October 29, 2003

Big Milestone!! You rolled over! You rolled from your tummy to your back...twice! Once for me, and once for Daddy to see. I guess I'm going to have to watch where I set you down now. I think it was your big ole noggin that gave you the momentum. Your head measures in the 90th percentile and your body weight and height, 50th.

You have also started drooling like a blood hound. Maybe you have teeth coming in, but I haven't noticed any change in behavior, and I don't really feel anything in your mouth.

October 19, 2003

Everyday you get stronger and stronger. Now when you are lying on your belly you can lift your head 90 degrees. I got some great pictures of you doing it. The outfit you are wearing is pretty much your uniform. I love putting you in onesies and sweat pants. It's so snuggly and easy too. I love the facial expressions you make. When you lift your head up it's like you are concentrating so hard!! I'm really glad too, that you are gaining more head control. It is so hard to carry you sometimes because your head wants to flop, so I have to use two hands, and can't get much done that way. Especially since you want to be held so much. I think you are the happiest when I have you in the front carrier, facing out, while I vacuum. You could stay like that all day. The other day you even fell asleep like that. Daddy and I made a CD of the vacuum cleaner, hoping that would help you sleep longer, but it just doesn't have the same effect. We are going to burn out the motor on this thing I think. Psss... colic is supposed to go away by 3 months, maybe you didn't get the memo.

October 15, 2003

Lights! Camera! Action! Today was your first professional pictures. You wore a lovely soft pink pant suit with a cross over front embroidered with bunnies. I was really happy with the photographer. He let us have all the time we needed, and tried lots of different things. We took some pics of you peeking over a pillow, but you just kind of drooled a lot and stuck out your tongue. So then we sat you in a little chair with white satin draped over it, and got some good pictures that way. We also took your picture naked laying on a big sheepskin. Very risque!

I added the pic Nana and I finally decided on. I love your chubby pink cheeks, bright eyes, and kissable toes!

October 3, 2003

You got to visit Mama's work today! I had to go in and write down my schedule. Of course, all the ladies were so excited to see you. The feeling was not mutual, however. You did not want anyone to hold you or even look at you. Andrea was there and held you while I wrote down my schedule. She was the only one who got to hold you for any length of time. She has a young baby too, so she's familiar with the bouncy walk you love so well. I weighed you on the baby scale and you were 12 pounds. I hope during your next visit you are willing to be more social.

September 29, 2003

This past weekend, Daddy and I had our first time away from you. We wanted to get away once before I have to go back to work. Nana came up to the house to stay with you. At first, I was very hesistant to leave you, because you are still so fussy. It seems you cry about 80% of your waking hours. But then I realized, it probably doesn't make much difference if you cry for me or for someone else. I don't think there's anything special that I do that makes you content. Nana promised it would be fine. I had been saving up lots of pumped breastmilk for the occasion.

When we got back Nana said you were "an angel", although I find that kind of hard to believe. Not to mention, I would be devastated if I thought you only cried like that for me. I think she just wanted to butter me up, so I'll leave you with her more often.

Dada and I had a good time, although it was hard to think of what to do when we didn't have to worry about you. We spent the weekend at our favorite bed and breakfast. I felt kind of attached to my breastpump for the weekend, but if I didn't do it, I would be very uncomfortable! I didn't get to sleep through the night, because I had to pump too, but I only had to get up once, which was nice.

Anyway, I'm just happy to be back, and see that you could manage without me for a little while. It makes me feel a little better about going back to work, although I'm still not looking forward to it exactly. It will be nice to get out of the house and be around adults for a while though.

September 22, 2003

Today was your 2 month check up. You weighed in at 11 lbs 3 oz and were 23.5 inches long. Holy mackeral! You looked nice and healthy, but had to have 4 shots today. At first you looked up at the nurse and me like we were playing some game. Then the first shot came and your little face melted into a scream. I was surprised at how quickly you recovered though. I nursed you right after and by the time we left the office, you were over it. You have little bright colorful circular bandaids all over your chubby little thighs. Poor thing!

September 20, 2003

You are smiling so much! Your new favorite pasttime is sucking on your hands, which makes them smell like sour milk a lot of the time. Pew! The Zantac seems to be helping during the day, but you are still a screaming mess come 5:00, which makes dinner unpleasant for Mommy and Daddy. We usually have to take turns with you, so that the other can get something to eat. Other times, I eat with you in the bouncie seat under the table. I'll be vigorously bouncing you with my feet, while I'm simultaneously tryting to shove food in my mouth.

I wish Daddy got to see more of your smiley times. I think he thinks I make it up, because he's only home in the evenings when you are so fussy. Our only respite in the evenings is our evening walk. I have to walk with your back against my stomach, so you can look out at everything. You love to watch the trees. I live for those walks, it's so nice to get outside. I feel so trapped inside the house lately.

September 4, 2003

Oh my sweet baby. Mommy doesn't know what to do with you. You cry all the time it seems. The only thing that stops the crying is nursing, swinging, and the vacuum cleaner. Sometimes, those things don't even work. I feel so bad for you. I'm guessing it's just colic, but today I started worrying that all this time I thought you had colic, but maybe there's something wrong. I called the pediatrician's office and it was all I could do to not cry on the phone. The secretary could tell I was upset. She asked if that was you crying in the background and I said, "Yes" **sniff, sniff**. They she said, "Do you want to bring her in today?" And I said, "Yes...." and almost broke down.

Dr. VanZee said you might have "silent reflux" since you never spit up. So we're going to try you on Zantac and see if that helps. Oh, I hope it does. I feel like such a terrible Mom. I've tried everything, but still you seem miserable.

September 1, 2003

Elly Belly you are getting so big! I'm honestly worried that you might end up being 6 feet. Madelyn who is 5 months old was over yesterday and you two are the same height. It's been a rough few weeks. You want to nurse all the time and sleep very little. You have also been very fussy. Daddy and I have different levels of crying named for you; Defcon 1, 2, 3, and 4. Defcon 4 involves clenched fists, red face, and a scream you can hear anywhere. Shai is very concerned when you are upset and gives me a look like "Why are you hurting my baby?". Despite all that, I can't believe how much I love you. I love to kiss your chubby face all over!! When you are upset, I just tell you that you are safe and everything is all right. You are sleeping swaddled in your crib right now, but as with most nights lately, you'll probably end up in bed with Mommy and Daddy. You are a very noisey sleeper, but oh so cuddly!

Kisses,

Mommy

August 29, 2003

I swear you have a sixth sense. It's either that or a really good nose. I will not so much as sit down and pick up a fork, and you're crying. I have yet to get through dinner with out being interupted. If this doesn't make those pregnancy pounds melt away, I don't know what will. Wait! Yes I do. I'm sure the rocking, bouncing, swaying jig I have to do about 4 times a night is aerobic exercise. It's not that I mind that you wake so often at night, it's just that it takes at least 45 minutes to get you back to sleep!! You will be sound asleep in my arms, swaddled tightly, and I'll lay you ever so gently into the crib and tip toe out of the room. The floor creaks and BAM! you're screaming again. The other night, I was so tired of bouncing, that I decided to try take a drive with you. My Dad had told me I loved that as an infant. It was 4 am and I drove you around the country for about 20 minutes. You were quiet in the back for so long, I was sure you were asleep. I pulled in the garage, snuck around the side of the car, opened the door, and there you were, eyes wide open, looking at me. I wanted to cry. Mommy still loves you dearly, but please baby, go to sleep.

August 25, 2003

Aunt Allison is here from Miami to see you for the first time. She was so excited! I just wish you weren't so fussy. Whenever someone else tries to hold you, you scream. I think Allison is a little intimidated by this, and hands you back to me quickly, because she doesn't want to make you cry.

Grandma Worman came over today too, to see you and Allison. I'm glad she gets to see you, but she makes me cringe. Then Grandpa came over in the evening. How proud he is! You have so many people that love you little bug!

August 23, 2003

Today we took your first nudie shots! It was Dada's idea, I just want you to know. He couldn't help himself, he had to pinch your little butt. You're starting to get fat rolls too. I think your hair resembles Elvis in these pictures.

We drove down to Grandma & Grandpa Smith's house. It was nice to be able to see them, but it was a rough trip. 2 hours is a long time to have you in the car. I can't see you because your seat is rear-facing. I thought you might sleep, but you only did for a very short time. The rest of the time you mostly cried. We had to take a break and stop on the side of the road so I could change your diaper and nurse you. It's frustrating, because I can't really do anything for you when you are strapped in your carseat. I think it's going to be a while before we try to make that trip again.

August 13, 2003

Today was your 1 month doctor's appointment. You are 8 pounds 14 ounces and 22.5 inches long. Wow! You are so big. Your newborn-3month sleepers are too short! I can't believe how fast you've grown. Dr. VanZee said you look very healthy.

July 30, 2003

My wonderful little bug. I am so torn. I can't wait to watch you grow up, walk, talk, and smile, but I love you being so small and cuddly. I hope I will be a good Mommy to you. Daddy thinks you will be the first female motocross champion. I hope you will pick something safer. I so dread going back to work. I don't want to miss anything. I love you so much.

Today was your due date, but I guess you had a different agenda, and that was fine with me! You umbilical cord fell off. I'm glad it's gone...Yuck! A couple days ago when I was bathing you, I noticed it was starting to come off and it was a little bloody and gooey looking. I freaked out a little and called your Dad in there to look at it. I asked him if he thought it was all right and he said, "Why don't you know, you're the nurse?" I told him, they never fall off for me. He thinks that because I'm a nurse, I'm supposed to know everything medical related. I'm happy to report that now that it's fallen off, everything looks a-okay, and you have an inny.

July 24, 2003

Today was your first doctor's appointment. I really liked the doctor's office, they had a special room for us to wait in, so you didn't have to be out in the waiting room with all the sick kids. You got weighed and measured. 7lbs 6 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long. Dr. VanZee was very impressed that you are already back up to your birth weight. Yay for Mama's milk! You are looking a little jaundiced, but Dr. VanZee wasn't too worried.

I am very happy to report that I think my spinal headache is finally gone. What a relief that is. Sally, Joe, Meghan, and Nick are coming over tonight to meet you for the first time.

Today the Smith family came to see you. Nana, Papa, Gigi, Aunt Angie and Uncle Joe, and Joey were there to meet you. You were so good and let everyone hold you. I was miserable. The spinal headache is terrible. I am hot and my breasts feel like two red hot bricks on my chest. You nurse every 1-2 hours and since the breastfeeding thing makes Papa uncomfortable, I take you to another room. Gigi made the comment, "She wants to eat alot, maybe you don't have enough milk." I so wish I could have lifted up my shirt and shown her I have enough milk to feed an army of newborns. I love them, but I really wished everyone would just go away so I could lay down. I'm not tired, I just don't feel well. Earlier I was begging you to please eat some more. I feel like my boobs want to burst!

July 19th, 2003

We brought you home today!! Actually I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. I just wanted to get you home and show you your house and your room, and just chill out with Daddy in our usual surroundings. We dressed you in a hot pink dress that had the butterfly from "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" on it. It said "a beautiful butterfly". It was a hot sunny day. I was on edge the whole ride home, because I was afraid we'd get in a car accident. I sat in the back with you, so I could watch you. You slept the whole way home.

Unfortunately, I think I have that darn spinal headache that they thought I might get from the epidural. So I don't feel very well. My head is pounding, and Daddy tries to make me eat, but I really don't feel like it. My boobs are HUGE!! Shai seems pleasantly curious about you, and the cats could care less. I like nursing you in your room in the recliner we got. It is very comfortable. I thought I would be more tired, but I'm too excited. Aunt Katie stopped over to see you too. She's not real keen on babies and looked so uncomfortable holding you, it was hilarious!

July 17, 2003

You are here!! And you are beautiful!! Much different than I expected you to look. I guess I don't really know what I was expecting. You have tons of long brown hair, with hair on the tips of your ears, and a sort of dark complection. You have big eyes, which were wide open and staring at us right after birth. You have cute little bird lips that are always pursed, and your nose has a wide bridge like your Dad's. Of course we had to check out the toes to see if you got Mom's long toe, or Dad's big toe. It's the big toe! No doubt. Here's how everything got started.

At 4:20 in the morning I woke up because I had to pee. I was lying there and all of a sudden there was this big snap/pop sort of like kicking followed by a tidal wave of fluid. I told Daddy that my water had just broke and I needed a towel. He said “a lot” and I said “a lot, a lot”. I got up to go in to the bathroom with the towel and it was soaked through before I got there. I soaked three more towels and then tried to pack while wearing a pad. 4 pads later we were ready to go to the hospital. I had wanted to wait a little longer until the contractions really kicked in, I had started having mild ones right after the water broke, but then I would have missed my fellow night shifters and I really wanted them to be the ones who checked me in. We got to the hospital and everyone was so excited to see me even though they were really busy. 6:30 They checked me and I was 1-2/80%/0, bummer. So I walked the halls. Feeling a little bit like a celebrity because all the doctors and other nurses were so excited to see me there as a patient. My friends in L&D said that I shouldn’t be walking so fast, “we’ll have to send you home” jokingly. My contractions were only every 5-6 minutes or so and not very strong. So I walked and walked and walked. It must have done something though, because 4 hours later I was 3-4 cm. So I walked some more. Still no good contraction pattern. 2.5 hours later I was 4-5cm. I had some good contractions, some wimpy ones, still no pattern. I could only get them to come close together if I walked and that was getting a little tiring and boring. Daddy kept pushing me, “walk faster!”. And the fluid just kept coming. My patients always said that was a gross feeling, but Man is that a gross feeling.

Anyway so I decided to get my epidural. The anesthesiologist and I are just shooting the breeze while he’s placing the epidural, and I’m telling him how another nurse I took care of had problems with hers and how we all said it was because she worked here when he goes “crap.” And I go “what?” He says “I just gave you a wet tap”. Which means that he has gone past the epidural space and gotten spinal fluid. So we redo the epidural, and he tells me that he gives me a 50/50 chance of getting the spinal headache. He was so embarrassed, and I told him it was bound to happen to me of anyone. Oh well, what can you do. The epidural was much more pleasant than I was expecting. I had no problems moving my legs and moving around in bed, but no contraction pain. However it did space my contractions out to every 10min. I was like “start up the Pit!!” Or this will take forever. So they started the pitocin. At 4, my nurse comes in and I get my bladder emptied. And immediately my contractions go from 10 minutes apart to 2-3min apart. 20 minutes later my doctor comes in to say hi, which was perfect timing because in the meantime a bowling ball has all of a sudden started pressing on me. I have never felt a more intense pressure in my life. He checks me and I’m ready to push!! Halleuia!! Outside it is storming and there is thunder and lightning. What a dramatic entrance for you!

I pushed for 30 minutes before you were born, and it was some of the most intense pain I have ever experienced. Someone asked my Daddy if I screamed, and he said “No but there was a lot of whimpering.” Yes wimpering with tears streaming down my face and begging for another contraction so I could get you out. I used a mirror, which was great, but afterward my doctor was so kind as to point out where I tore, where he was going to put stitches etc. TMI!! I said just do whatever you gotta do. The best part, after Dr. Gorsuch delivered your head and shoulders, I was able to reach down and grab you under the arms and pull you the rest of the way out myself! My Grandma thinks that is just the most amazing thing. Then once you were out and I was holding you, the clouds lifted, the rain and thunder stopped, and the sun came out. It was just like a movie!

Your Dad and I were pretty stupid when it came to getting pictures. We didn't even get any pictures in the delivery room. We were just too preoccupied I guess. But here is a picture of us, both looking pretty worn out. You can see how crazy your hair looked before it got washed.

July 13, 2003

I had Daddy take me to the park today so we could get some last pictures of my huge ole belly. I wanted so nice pictures of me pregnant, so I wore my favorite maternity dress. I feel the need to have everything ready and wrapped up because it could be "any day now!" I still think I will go overdue though. Daddy and I plan to go on one more date this Friday. We're going to go out to dinner and to see Pirates of the Caribbean.

At work, Christine did an ultrasound for me to see if we could measure how big you are. The calculations say that right now you are about 7 pounds. Which means if I go all the way to my due date (or more), you'll probably be 8 or 8 1/2 pounds. Yikes!! I feel like you are right between my legs most of the time, and my co-workers think it's hilarious to watch me waddle all around. I get so frustrated with pants!! My work pants won't fit over my belly, but don't stay up when I time them under either, so I feel like I am constantly hiking them up. I have a clot in my leg, so I also have to wear support hose which SUCKS!! I can't even put on regular socks, let alone, those things. Most of the time I sucker one of my co-workers in to helping me put them on. I can't wait to wear regular pants!!

Well there it is. Does it look scary to you? Uncomfortable? It's really not to bad. Actually my legs hurt the most probably. I wake up from a dead sleep with these incredible leg cramps, and have to hop around the bedroom until they go away. About 3 weeks ago, I noticed what I thought was a stretch mark and the next morning I woke up to find that my entire belly had exploded in stretch marks. Literally, it was overnight. They wrap all the way around to my back. My belly button has popped out like a turkey timer. The funny thing is that only this week one of my patients dared ask me if I'm pregnant. I guess the scrubs hide it really well. She was very surprised to find out I'm due in one month. So far you seem like a pretty calm baby. Maybe it's because I'm always moving around, but I don't feel you move that much. Sometimes it makes me nervous. I listen to your heartbeat at work all the time, just to check in.